navywives

Oh Kirby, such an awesome, wonderful, dare I say cute and fun loving…vacuum? I bet you all thought I was talking about Kirby from Lipstick Jungle, but no, this is Kirby the vacuum cleaner. The other day I was feeling so lonely that I allowed a cute blonde girl to talk me into a cleaning, which inevitably paved the way for this beautiful cast iron, shiny as hell cleaning machine…and its sly, sneaky, dare I say sleazy salesman who really should just keep quiet, turn on the machine, and then hand you a bill.  ok well, the sleaze does need to be persuasive, because this hunk, of metal, cost almost $2000. Mind you I was feeling very lonely that day. My husband hadnt called in two days, the kids were at a play date, and I needed some attention. Plus he offered to do some cleaning, so I was all for it….aaaaannnnd…I bought the damn thing. After four hours of seeing how amazing the thing was, I wanted it, couldnt live without it, and needed it to fill the void in my life. I figured $2000 to fill a void wasn’t that much…right?Wrong. My husband flipped, so I turned in the cancellation slip, called my credit card to stop the charge, got yelled at by the Kirby sales manager for returning it, and have been waiting for them to pick it up. Im pretty sure theyre going to try to get me to keep the thing, but its either the Kirby, or my husband. I pass the Kirby everyday, have used it three days straight trying to get my house as clean as possible. I blow kisses at it, pat it on the handle, brush up against it ever so strategically. But no hunk of metal will ever be enough to fill the loneliness I feel when my husband is away.THe Kirby people will come tomorrow. THey will try to sell it to me again, I will tell them I love it, would marry it, have its little vacuum babies and never even think about texting or IMing another vacuum for as long as I live. But, it will have to go..and just like that my Kirby is out of my life, and Im left with an empty bed, a broken rabbit, and some sleeping pills. Goodbye Kirby.  

Trackback URI | Comments RSS